Growth Without “Fixing”: A Neurodiversity-Affirming Look at Growth Mindset

People are talking more about this “growth mindset” idea. It’s especially catching on in parenting and education circles. It is often presented as a more positive and helpful way to think about ourselves and our abilities.

But what does growth mindset actually mean? And how does it apply if you are ADHD or autistic?

What is a growth mindset?

A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities can improve through practice, support, and trying different strategies. A fixed mindset, in contrast, is the belief that our abilities, intelligence, or personal qualities are mostly permanent and cannot change much.

If you’ve heard of someone adding “yet” to the end of a sentence about their abilities, they’re probably practicing a growth mindset.

“I’m not good at public speaking yet."

A growth mindset helps us stay open to new information. We can begin to see challenges as information rather than proof of our limitations or, even worse, evidence of our value as a person.

Is growth mindset even neurodiversity-affirming?

ADHD and autism are neurodevelopmental disabilities. In other words, to borrow an old commercial, “maybe she’s born with it.”

There is no cure for ADHD or autism, and becoming less neurodivergent is not the goal. Many neurodivergent people actually come to appreciate their different brains and nervous systems. A neurodiversity-affirming approach means we do not see ADHD or autism as something that needs to be fixed. These traits are part of your identity.

So how does a growth mindset apply when we are talking about traits you’re born with?

There can be a tricky balance between affirming a person’s competence and recognizing the real impact of their disability. It is easy to lean too far in either direction.

Leaning too far towards affirming competence can look like:

“You’re so smart. I know you can figure out how to succeed in college.”

This sounds encouraging, but it can overlook the support the person actually needs. We may begin attributing their challenges to moral failings, such as laziness or a lack of effort, instead of considering accommodations, executive-function support, sensory needs, or whether the environment is a good fit.

Without appropriate support, ADHDers and autistic people may accomplish less than they otherwise could or burnout from exhaustion.

Leaning too far towards affirming the impacts of disability can look like:

“She’s not capable of living alone. She can’t even shower every day.”

This risks infantilizing ADHDers and autistic folks. Assuming someone is capable of less can also become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

A neurodiversity-affirming growth mindset requires realistic optimism, flexibility, and seeing each person as an individual. It does not mean that everyone can do everything if they just try hard enough.

Sometimes growth means learning a skill. Sometimes it means finding an accommodation, changing your environment, adjusting the goal, or becoming more accepting of your needs.

Growth Mindset Isn’t Just for Children

Parents can help children develop a growth mindset by modeling curiosity, flexibility, and self-compassion. Parents might narrate their inner experience as they work on developing their own growth mindset.

But growth mindset is certainly not only for children.

People can continue to grow throughout their lives. There is no “too late” when it comes to learning more about yourself or finding ways of living that work better for you.

What does growth mindset really look like for ADHD and Autistic folks?

Let’s break down what it can sound like to move from a fixed mindset toward a growth mindset.

When you first begin making this shift, you may simply notice more of your fixed-mindset thoughts:

“I suck at organization.”

“I’m never on time.”

“I’m lazy.”

“I’m just a weirdo nobody understands.”

Notice how you feel even reading those sentences.

There is no moral judgment if you have thoughts like these. Having them is not your fault, and it does not say anything bad about you. These thoughts are human. Everyone can have limiting beliefs about themselves sometimes. This is especially true after years of criticism, misunderstanding, or trying to meet expectations that were never designed for your brain.

The journey towards a growth mindset is not about having “perfect” thoughts all the time. Shout-out to my fellow neurodivergent perfectionists reading this!

You might begin with a thought as simple as:

“Maybe I’m capable of having a more open mindset.”

We rarely progress by making huge changes all at once. Like learning any other skill, it takes time and practice.

Growth Mindset Is Not Gaslighting Yourself

A growth mindset is also not about lying to yourself and just staying positive all the time.

Realistic and helpful thoughts might sound like:

“I’m learning more about what I need to stay organized.”

“As I practice assertiveness, it gets a little easier over time.”

“This approach didn’t work for me. I can try a different strategy or ask for support.”

“I’m getting better at recognizing when I’m getting overwhelmed.”

“I’m learning that I connect better with people when I don’t have to mask as much.”

It can also be helpful to give your successes more attention than you typically do. Notice the exceptions to the rule:

• What worked?

• What was different this time?

• What support did you have?

• What did you learn?

Our minds naturally focus on and replay our failures. It can be useful to identify one thing you learned from an experience, but our minds often continue dwelling on it long after the reflection has stopped being helpful.

Growth Can Include Greater Self-Acceptance

Notice that your neurodivergent traits do not need to disappear for you to be okay. In fact, embracing your ADHD or autistic identity and understanding your needs can be a huge part of the growth process.

Growth may also look like letting go of a goal that was based on someone else’s definition of success.

A Final Takeaway

A growth mindset leaves the door open for change. And if you think about it, change is inevitable in life.

For ADHD and autistic people, a growth mindset works best when it includes room for support, accommodation, and possibility.

If embracing a growth mindset still feels out of reach, you might start by exploring the power of yet.

For more on this topic, check out psychologist Carol S. Dweck’s work on growth mindset and the TEDx talk below.